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It takes strength to admit I am not as strong as a man. I must swallow my pride before asking a male to open a jar for me. To let a man open a door for me, or carry my bag when I am struggling.
Those things, they seem like portraying myself as weak. Girly. Pathetic. After all, being female is an insult itself.
“…run like a girl.”
“…cry like a girl.”
“…fight like a girl.”
And so, I have always tried my hardest not to be like a girl.
A Growing Realization
As children, we barely have any concept of gender. We see another child, and we play with them. My first best friend in primary school was a boy.
We happily played with Barbie dolls together, as well as Lego. We hadn’t been influenced by gender stereotyping yet.
Then one day it all changed. I remember the moment so clearly. My younger sister and I were playing Pirates, dressed up, faces painted, wielding cardboard swords – and my mother’s friend’s son walked in.
I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I blushed. I felt awkward. I wanted to be wearing anything except pirate dress-ups.
I recognized he was different to me, and there was an attraction to him that I didn’t have for my other girl friends. He was a boy and I had my first crush.
Age 11
I just wanted to be near him, touch him. But to do that, I had to keep up with him. So, I ran as fast as him. I played rugby with him. He pushed me into bushes and I was delighted. I acted like a boy, so he would accept me and play with me.
Age 13
And then, he realized there were girls in the world too, and he wasn’t interested in playing with me anymore. I was boyish and he was interested in girls who looked like girls. So I bought tight jeans, learned to wear makeup, and most importantly…I learned the art of flirting. Continue reading
- Jessica Claire studied Music Performance at the University of Canterbury and works as both a model and photographer. She is passionate about youth ministry, and feels strongest with either a pen or piano keys beneath her fingers. Jess delights in the insane plans of God.
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