If you keep telling them you're going to turn the car around if they don't behave, and never actually turn the car around when they continue to act like... well, children, they will learn that the car isn't going to get turned around no matter what they do.

This may seem obvious. It's straight from the parenting 101 books that I failed to read when I first started taking this experiential course in child-rearing a dozen years ago.

But, I've been told lately that I'm not very good at this whole follow through thing.

It's not like I go around making threats to my kids. It's just that sometimes they act like insane little monsters, and the fear of sanctions is the only way I can think of to get them to behave. So, threats happen.

Take, for instance, a dinner out I had on a recent night with two of our kids and their grandparents. My wife was out of town with our two middle kids visiting her sister, so I had responsibility for our 5-year-old boy and 12-your-old daughter for the week. My parents, fresh back from a summer trip to Michigan and Canada, called and asked if we wanted to have dinner at a neat little seafood place.

Sure, I figured. Why not?

What I didn't figure was that after a week with his father's later bedtimes and lack of disciplinary follow-through the 5-year-old boy would be primed and ready for his worst restaurant behaviour in recent memory.

Usually, with his middle sisters around, he just blends into our family's typical restaurant commotion and acts kid-like but within acceptable parameters. Continue reading

• Cort Ruddy is a writer, husband and father of four living in Upstate New York.

As a teenager, there were times that I would refuse to do as she asked, would stomp my feet in anger, or argue that she didn't love me. But she would always reply, "Wait until you're a mother and you'll see why I worry about you so much." After becoming a mother three times over, I practically laugh when I remember those words. I know what she means.

My parents always wanted the best for us four children. They tried their hardest to provide for us financially, keep a comfortable roof over our heads, give us the education that we deserved. We were pushed to understand the value of a dollar, the value of family, the value of hard work. We weren't allowed to talk back, we had to respect their authority at all times. I wasn't allowed to drink until I turned 18, and I wasn't allowed to date until I was out of high school.

At the time, I hated it. I hated the power they had over me. I hated the restrictions they had over my life. I hated the fact that they wouldn't let me 'have fun'. I thought all they wanted to do was control me.

I longed to have the lifestyle my friends had: going out on school nights, drinking alcohol at birthday parties, dabbling in dating, doing what typical teenagers did.

But I grew up and my outlook on life started to change. I turned 18, had a party with a few friends, had a couple drinks to celebrate, and that was basically it. I was busy studying at university, and having recently met my future husband, I didn't wish for that life any more. I still haven't changed, and it doesn't bother me one bit.

However, I know that not everyone feels the way I do. Continue reading

Sources

• Thuy Yau in The Sydney Morning Herald
• Image: Everyday Feminism

Thuy Yau is a freelance writer.