Their stories "simply break the heart, make the blood run cold in your veins.

"This war will go down in history as one in which Russia uses sexual violence as a weapon against Ukraine," said Shevchuk.

Pramila Patten, Representative of the UN Secretary-General on Sexual Violence in Conflict, confirmed last week that rape is part of Russia's "military strategy".

It is a "deliberate tactic to dehumanise the victims," Patten says.

"When women are held for days and raped when you start to rape little boys and men, when you see a series of genital mutilations when you hear women testify about Russian soldiers equipped with Viagra, it's clearly a military strategy."

Patten says the UN has verified over 100 cases of rape or sexual assault in Ukraine since Russia invaded in February.

Victims' ages range from four to 82 years old.

"It's very difficult to have reliable statistics during an active conflict, and the numbers will never reflect reality because sexual violence is a silent crime," Patten observes.

"Reported cases are only the tip of the iceberg."

On Monday this week, over 100 Ukrainian women were released from Russian captivity.

Andriy Yermak, head of the Ukrainian Presidential Office, says it was the first female-only exchange. It was "especially emotional and truly special," he says.

"Mothers and daughters, whose relatives were waiting for them, were held captive."

The next day, Shevchuk thanked God that the women were able to return to their families.

"Let us wrap these women together today with our attention, love and prayer, and warm them up with our national warmth," he said.

Reflecting on recent Russian attacks on Ukraine, the archbishop noted in conditions of war, families find themselves in a sea of violence and malice that destroys a person.

"This war will go down in history as one in which Russia uses violence against the intimate sphere of a person as a weapon against Ukraine," he said, citing statistics about rapes and pregnancies resulting from rape.

"It is impossible to imagine how much this violence against the intimate sphere of a person hurts the Ukrainian family, the dignity of men and women [and] destroys what the Lord God created for love."

Source

• Catholic News Service
• Forbes

Talking about sexual assault is hard.

For many survivors, the reaction of the first person they disclose to, often a friend or family member can have a huge effect on their healing process.

Over the past 25 years, RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the US' largest anti-sexual violence organization, and has helped more than 3.2 million people, including many family and friends who are looking for guidance on how to help someone they care about.

About one-third of visitors to the hotline have never disclosed before.

As a result, many conversations become about disclosure — when it goes well, when it doesn't, and when someone is thinking about disclosing and is worried about how someone in their life will react.

Despite a loved one's best intentions, sometimes survivors feel blamed or questioned after telling someone they love, and this can make it hard to continue talking about what happened and to start healing.

Most of the time, loved ones of survivors want to do anything they can to help, but just aren't sure what to do.

Whether someone you love has disclosed to you already, or you just want to make sure you're prepared if the moment ever arises, take the time to proactively learn how to support a survivor as they disclose. It can make all the difference. Here are a few tips to keep in mind.

Don't play detective - just listen

Many people are shocked and upset when they learn that someone they love has experienced sexual violence. They're so worried about saying the wrong thing and so badly want to help that they start asking a lot of questions.

Even if you have good intentions, unfortunately, this isn't helpful. Asking questions can make a survivor feel blamed or pressured into sharing more of their story than they're comfortable with. It's important to keep in mind that, if someone discloses an assault to you, they're not looking for you to gather facts — they're looking for your love and support.

Even if your instinct is to ask for more details, it's best to avoid doing so. Simply listen to however much or little someone is comfortable sharing with you.

Recognise the importance of managing your own emotions

It's normal to feel angry or upset that something has happened to someone you love — and you might even think that showing your feelings is a way of expressing that you care about them. However, this can be counterproductive.

If you become very upset when someone discloses to you, it can make them feel that they are responsible for your feelings.

Show you care by using supportive phrases, such as:

• I believe you.
• It's not your fault.
• You are not alone.
• You didn't do anything to deserve this.
• Thank you for telling me this.
• I am always here for you.

By managing your emotions, you can help remove this burden from the person who is disclosing so that they can focus on their own healing process. Continue reading

We want our children, our coworkers, our friends, who are women, to find enjoyment and kindness in their relationships - whether its a short term hook up or a long term partnership.

In the wake of the trial of the man who killed Grace Millane, it is apparent that this is far from the norm in New Zealand.

As people who want women like Grace to be able to live normal lives, it has caused great disquiet.

The trial revealed that too many people do not understand what being in a respectful respecting relationship looks likes.

That this lack of understanding goes unchecked in our communities to the extent that men are harming and killing women. And that people in the justice system can either ignore the harm or comfortably frame women as being at fault.

The clearest voices of disquiet are women's.

While the trial of the man who killed Grace was happening there were at least two other cases (that I saw) in the media where women were subjected to cruel and harmful treatment by men in the context of a relationship.

The harm is ongoing and women are angry.

Many men see and hear that anger, and care.

I asked some of these men, what were they saying about the issues on social media, and in their everyday conversations.

There were many thoughtful responses. What the responses revealed is many men feel deeply that it is not right when women are blamed for contributing to their own murder. It is not right that sexual assault still gets minimised and ignored. Something needs to change.

Many said they felt it was not their story to tell. They wanted to make space for women to be heard. Some were scared of saying the wrong thing. And social media is a place where the impact of saying the 'wrong thing' or even just the hard thing can be brutal.

However, there is something important that should give men who care, confidence to speak:

• Men listen to other men.
• We listen to those who we share values with.
• We listen to those who are unexpected messengers on a topic.
• We listen to those who we perceive to be experts (not actual experts).
• In other words, men listen to other men they know about relationships.

Amplifying the stories and experiences of women matters. As important is for many men to have a voice about what good relationships look like.

Because both the story and the messenger has an impact on how people think about sex, relationships and consent, and how they act.

How can men talk about sexual violence in ways that sets up more productive thinking and prevents harm? Continue reading

• Dr Jess Berentson-Shaw is co-director of the policy and messaging collaborative The Workshop.

The advent of online dating and aggressive porn increasingly appear to be a contributing factor to stubbornly high rates of sexual violence, according to new research.

A series of studies out of Victoria University of Wellington show the changing online landscape may be contributing to, and exacerbating, sexual violence, rape and intimate partner violence.

This is taking place in a world where women are increasingly empowered by feminist movements and economic independence but are still overwhelmingly the victims of sexual abuse.

Online dating and blurred lines around consent, coupled with New Zealand's current consent regulations, make it difficult to hold perpetrators to account.

The continued objectification and self-objectification of women in media, along with the perpetuation of rape myths in news media, exacerbate the issue.

And increasingly aggressive pornography and a lack of education and conversation about porn is a potentially dangerous mix in a country where about 20 percent of adult women are subjected to sexual assault in their lives.

The research was presented at a day-long symposium, which explored 21st century barriers to rape reform.

Criminology professor and lead researcher Jan Jordan spoke of the long legacy of silencing and objectifying women.

Women were taught to be "beautiful and quiet if you want to be safe", she said.

The feminist movement and the second-wave feminism did a lot to advance women's rights and moves towards gender equality and pay equity.

However, the objectification and self-objectification of women has not ceased, rather taken on different forms over the past 40 years.

Research comparing sexual violence cases in 1997 and 2015 found there was little change in the amount of cases that met the evidentiary threshold to proceed to prosecution (1997: 30 percent; 2015: 28 percent), and the number of cases where there was a conviction also remained startlingly low (1997: 13 percent; 2015: 15 percent).

Jordan said this lack of progress was an argument for doing away with New Zealand's adversarial justice system in relation to sexual violence cases, reviewing the evidentiary threshold, and consent laws.

However, policing did not happen in a vacuum, so the other three pieces of research were commissioned in order to give the wider societal context in which sexual violence occurs.

The part porn plays

The porn industry continues to grow, with 33.5 billion visits to PornHub in 2018, and an average of 92 million daily visits.

As porn has moved online it has become increasingly accessible and industry value has continued to climb.

Rental and ad revenue from adult videos in the 1990s grew into the billions. In 2014, the porn industry was worth $US97b ($145b).

Doctoral candidate Samantha Keene found a troubling increase in the rise of aggressive and degrading sex acts found online.

"Mainstream heterosexual porn is still made by men for men, and tells men that women like to receive aggression and tells women that we should like to receive that."

Keene analysed 40 years of porn, from magazines in the 1970s, through to adult videos, and online porn.

While research on porn was scarce and academics disagreed whether there was a causal link between aggressive porn and sexual violence, there were worrying trends such as choking - something that was prevalent in sexual violence and intimate partner violence cases.

Multiple experts said this type of porn normalised sexual aggression.

Some believed the depiction of male dominance and aggression in pornography was a backlash against feminism, Keene said.

However, aggressive pornography increasingly included women who were willing participants. And more women were searching for, and watching, porn categorised as ‘rough sex'.

Keene said it was not clear whether it was a form of research, or a way to engage in a fantasy in a safe space. Continue reading

• Image: Dutchreporter

Colombia's mainly Catholic population is known for its macho culture and high levels of gender violence.

During his homily that was repeatedly interrupted by applause, Francis asked the 400,000-strong crowd "How many women, in silence, have persevered alone?

"In communities where we are still weighed down with patriarchal and chauvinistic customs, it is good to note that the Gospel begins by highlighting women who were influential and made history."

About 20,000 Colombians, most of them women and girls, were victims of rape and sexual violence during the five decade-war that killed 200,000 people.

Sexual violence is a weapon all sides used in Colombia's war, government data shows.

In addition, women disproportionately have borne the brunt of displacement, with seven million Colombians forced from their homes.

Furthermore, one woman is killed every four days in Colombia, often at the hands of a former or current partner.

Francis urged reconciliation and forgiveness in Colombia.

The United Nations has hailed the 2016 peace accord between the government and rebels from the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia as "putting an unprecedented focus on women's rights by recognising how they suffered in the conflict".

Emphasising his point, Francis incorporated St Joseph into his homily.

"... today, in this world where psychological, verbal and physical violence towards women is so evident, Joseph [husband of Our Lady] is presented as a figure of the respectful and sensitive man."

Source

• BBC
• ABS CBN
• Image: Houston Chronicle