For many years I worked in palliative care.
My patients were those who had gone home to die.
Some incredibly special times were shared.
I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth.
Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.
Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all.
When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way.
From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late.
Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed.
They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.
Women also spoke of this regret.
But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. Continue reading
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