Death is all around us really – but what to do when we’re responsible for what happens after a loved one dies often leaves us lost. What do we do?
After experiencing exactly that sense of confusion having lost their spouses, a group of Palmerston North women created a free-of-charge practical guide to help others through the process of the death of a loved one.
People aren’t always in the right mindset for the practical tasks that follow a death, particularly if it is sudden, says one of the authors, retired nurse Judy Seccombe.
A lot to know – but little knowledge
Assuming her nursing background would stand her in good stead when her husband was diagnosed with cancer and given a short time to live, Seccombe says she is “still surprised [by] everything you had to know and do, and where to go afterwards”.
Adjusting to life without a loved one after many years spent together was difficult and came with a lot of challenges, Seccombe discovered.
She managed to get through these, but later discussed her experiences with a couple of widowed friends. After comparing notes about their experiences, they decided to write a booklet to tell others what to expect and make suggestions as to what to do.
To ensure their information for the booklet was spot-on they met with field experts such as doctors, hospice nurses, GPs, paramedics and ministers.
This help form their advice about concerns such as how to prepare for loss (sudden or otherwise), who to tell, the option of creating an advanced care plan and various legal, financial and insurance requirements.
Hey everyone – now’s a good time to talk!
Seccombe and her friends hope “Practicalities Around a Death” will encourage families to discuss illness, disability, death and funerals while they are still in good health.
They also hope it will encourage people to think about end-of-life care options and funeral arrangements.
It is not a religious or medical resource, nor is it “about us” Seccombe clarifies.
“It’s about putting something out there that might ease other people’s journey.”
It includes a number of blank pages so personal notes and reminders can be recorded. “That’s because when you’ve got somebody going through an illness, you have lots of documents from hospital appointments and other things you need to write down” she says.
It’s a resource for everyone. It allows people to understand that everyone’s response to death is intensely personal, so the way they handle it is up to them. It’s not a matter for others to sit in judgement.
How to get a copy
The group hope to distribute “Practicalities Around A Death” to as many places as possible.
After receiving financial assistance from the Justice-Compassion Trust Aotearoa New Zealand and the Pathways Presbyterian Church, they printed 4000 copies.
Contact Pathways Presbyterian Church on Church St: 06 358 0884 or pathways@inspire.net.nz for a copy.
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