What's behind H&M's grand plan to turn every child under five into a rodent by new year, they're kids for God's sake, let them live.

And the news was that, in a world where childcare costs are unaffordable, and almost 2 million grandparents have given up jobs to look after grandchildren, the twist is that as well as being essential, valuable cogs in the kids' lives, these kindly pensioners are also killing them.

Killing them with their sedentary lifestyles, their passive smoke, their bottomless biscuit jar.

This study by the University of Glasgow was reported as though these people, with their yoga bodies - you know, grandparents really don't look like the illustrations in the books any more, these days they're younger than their daughters - had practically rigged their houses up like Macauley Culkin at Christmas, a series of terrible traps sure to result in obesity or death.

Not that my daughter's grandparents do this, of course. Not that they give her treats as reward for tasks as mundane as pulling up her tights properly.

Not that whole sections of their kitchens could be mistaken for small town sweet shops, with varieties of chocolate previously only seen in the hand luggage of web designers returning from Tokyo.

Not that she learned the lyrics to the entire film of Oliver! off the telly and how to unlock an iPhone while her dad was on a double shift, or that on holiday we realised she was calmly drinking pink wine at 18 months.

Not that my daughter's grandparents bought special espresso cups for her "babyccinos", or that she thinks pudding is a kind of post-dessert, the second in a menu of three, or that the base note of her smell is KitKat. Continue reading

• Eva Wiseman is commissioning editor on the Observer magazine.

"He read Bible stories to me," she recalls. "My first image of prayer was our family rosary, everyone kneeling down in the golden light of the tilly lamps and candles. My grandfather made me feel very special. He had that gift. There were 10 of us, and we all thought we were his favourite."

Like many of her generation, Catherine left Ireland aged 15 to go to England in search of work: "It was quite a culture shock. I arrived with no idea where I would stay or where I would work. I got my first job in Wall's bacon factory by lying about my age. The factory arranged digs for me. I was a very enthusiastic worker and soon was promoted.

"At first, I was a typical Irish immigrant, going to Irish dances and Mass on Sunday, But before long I fell away from the practice of the faith. Later, I began doing PR for Island Records, just as the Swinging Sixties were kicking off in London."

At 21 she met the love of her life, Stewart. "It was love at first sight," she says. "He came through a doorway and was transfixed. He asked me to marry him the next day.

"After our first child arrived, I began to seriously re-examine my religious commitment. After our child was baptised a Catholic I began to attend Mass every week in London."

The newlyweds began a travel business that soon became remarkably successful.

"At first we operated tours around the Greek islands," she says, "but soon we branched into children's camps, which proved very successful and spread across the UK."

Life in London was hectic and the couple decided to buy a weekend retreat. By chance, they ended up going to see a farmhouse in Walsingham. Read more

Sources

• Catholic Herald
• Image: The Catholic Grandparents Association
• For more information: The Catholic Grandparents Association