International statistics confirm we're three times more likely than women to take our own lives. For guys under 45, it's the primary cause of death.

Though women are worse off in many ways in society, this is one issue that disproportionally affects men.

In New Zealand, it's arguably our "harden up" rugby-fuelled culture that forces guys to keep their feelings inside and not seek help when they're having suicidal thoughts.

Overseas, this mentality doesn't exist to the same extent (though there are exceptions, eg Australia).

However, suicide is still more common among men, all over the world.

What's going on?

Health professionals, politicians and media constantly talk of the unmet need in terms of this problem (and plans to alleviate the problem), yet the suicide stats don't go down.

Across Western society it seems all people - not just males - are only deserving of help when they're already way down the track.

Where are the preventative services? More importantly, why aren't those most vocal in society pushing to change the burdens that men are faced with?

In addition to talking about more funding for mental health care - more providers and better support for people to manage life's pressures - why aren't we also stepping back to figure out how we can relieve those pressures in the first place?

Male privilege extends to most facets of life. Men get paid more, they enjoy unearned advantages and in many parts of society they're given greater status.

It's also assumed that they aren't judged as harshly as women.

I disagree on that last point. While we're not fat-shamed, age-shamed, slut-shamedor mum-shamed, we are bloke-shamed.

Men are forced to self-censor in order to conform to an ideal that discourages outward expressions of sadness, struggle or weakness. Continue reading

• Lee Suckling is a columnist in the Fairfax suite of newspapers

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I'd been summoned to an editor's office at the Globe Magazine with the old "We have a story we think you'd be perfect for." This is how editors talk when they're about to con you into doing something you don't want to do.

Here was the pitch: We want you to write about how middle-aged men have no friends.

Excuse me? I have plenty of friends. Are you calling me a loser? You are.

The editor told me there was all sorts of evidence out there about how men, as they age, let their close friendships lapse, and that that fact can cause all sorts of problems and have a terrible impact on their health.

I told the editor I'd think about it. This is how reporters talk when they're trying to get out of something they don't want to do.

As I walked back to my desk in the newsroom — a distance of maybe 100 yards — I quickly took stock of my life to try to prove to myself that I was not, in fact, perfect for this story.

First of all, there was my buddy Mark. We went to high school together, and I still talk to him all the time, and we hang out all the . . . Wait, how often do we actually hang out? Maybe four or five times a year?

And then there was my other best friend from high school, Rory, and . . . I genuinely could not remember the last time I'd seen him. Had it already been a year? Entirely possible.

There were all those other good friends who feel as if they're still in my lives because we keep tabs on one another via social media, but as I ran down the list of those I'd consider real, true, lifelong friends, I realized that it had been years since I'd seen many of them, even decades for a few. Continue reading

• Billy Baker is a feature writer for the Boston Globe's metro section.

"There's got to be something more than this!" This howl of discontent comes from Alex, a thirtysomething married executive, one of four Aussie males romping their way through Certified Male, the blokey comedy playing around Australia.

Alex rarely questions the 65-plus working hours he puts in each week. He's always agreed with his wife, Sam, that he has to work long hours so she can be there for the kids. Besides, she's got her charity work and, as she says, there's no point in her taking up a job just for the sake of earning money, is there? All her friends at book club totally agree.

But during the days Alex spends with his mates on a work retreat, his alienation in his marriage starts to surface. "I get into bed next to my wife and it's the loneliest place on earth." He determines he's going to have it out with her. Read more

Sources

• Bettina Arndt in Stuff
• Image: The Good Men Project

Bettina Arndt is an Australian sex therapist, journalist and clinical psychologist.