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Abuse is about having power over someone.
An abuser typically wants to feel superior, to control and dominate.
To them, communication is not about understanding. It’s a win-lose game.
They use verbal abuse and/or violence to accomplish this.
They’re frequently self-centered, impatient, unreasonable, insensitive, unforgiving, lack empathy, and are often jealous, suspicious, and withholding.
Their moods can shift from fun-loving and romantic to sullen and angry. Some punish with anger, others with silence — or both.
It’s often “their way or the highway.”
They can be bullies. Typically, abusers deny any responsibility and shift blame to their loved ones and co-workers. The one thing they all have in common is that their motive is to have the upper hand.
This is because they don’t feel that they have personal power, regardless of worldly success.
Often, they behave the way they were treated growing up, and their insecurity, shame, and rage from childhood drives them.
Allowing abuse damages our self-esteem.
To respond effectively requires support. It’s difficult to face it without others who will validate our reality.
This is especially true if we’ve been abused for any length of time.
Without outside support, our compromised self-esteem leads to self-doubt, insecurity, isolation, and increased dependency on the abuser.
Common mistakes that escalate abuse
It’s important to understand the motives and mindset of an abuser; otherwise, victims of abuse commonly make the following mistakes that contribute to more abuse.
- Appeasement
- Arguing
- Explaining and defending
- Seeking understanding from the abuser
- Criticising
Image: Metro
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