Strong online boundaries make for the happiest relationships

Thursday, September 19th, 2019

After a break-up, people could easily lose touch with their ex, who could move or change phone numbers.

Tracking them down, sans Google or social media, was at least somewhat difficult.

Today, that has changed.

An ex may be far from one’s mind, until a photo of their wedding, or baby, or recent vacation pops up in a social media feed.

That could spell trouble for current relationships, according to a new report on relationship happiness and online behaviors.

In a survey that included 2,000 married, cohabiting and single people spanning multiple generations in the United States, as well as data from the General Social Survey, researchers found that couples who flirted with online boundaries and relationships were less happy than those who kept strong online boundaries.

The analysis of the survey, entitled “iFidelity: The State of Our Unions 2019,” was a research project from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

“Those currently married or cohabiting who blur those boundaries are significantly less happy, less committed, and more likely to break up while, conversely, those taking a more careful stance online are happier, more committed, and less likely to separate,” the study states.

“For example, those who did not follow a former girlfriend/boyfriend online had a 62% likelihood of reporting that they were ‘very happy’ in their cohabiting or marital relationship.

“Only 46% of those who did follow an old flame online reported being very happy.”

The survey asked about nine online behaviors, and whether or not participants considered them to be “unfaithful” or “cheating.”

According to the survey, most Americans (70% or more) rated six behaviors as cheating or unfaithful, including “having a secret emotional relationship or sexting with someone other than a partner/spouse without the partner’s/spouse’s knowledge and consent.”

Three behaviors were the exception – most Americans did not find flirting with someone in real life, following a former love interest online, and consuming pornography to be cheating or unfaithful behaviors.

The results also varied by age.

Millennials were the most likely group to have permissive attitudes about online behaviors, and were also the most likely group to admit engaging in online behaviors ranked as “unfaithful” or “cheating.”

W. Brad Wilcox, editor of the survey and director of the National Marriage Project, told CNA that he thought there were at least three possible reasons for this discrepancy. Continue reading