Michael Deacon watches David Cameron give his views on women bishops in the Church of England at Prime Minister’s Questions.
And on the eighth day God created Prime Minister’s Question Time.
And pretty swiftly He regretted it, for He saw that it was not good, especially when they did all that silly shouting and artificial laughter and asked toadying questions blatantly planted by government whips.
And on the 21st day of November in the year of His Son 2012 He saw that Members of Parliament were asking about women bishops in the Church of England.
And the Prime Minister told the House of Commons his views on the subject.
And the Prime Minister’s views turned out to be a little bit confusing, to Members of Parliament, to inhabitants of the press gallery, and no doubt to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field also.
And this was because the Prime Minister seemed to be saying that on the one hand we had to respect whatever the Church decided, but on the other hand we had to make sure the Church jolly well did what we told it.
And the Prime Minister’s words were, “We have to respect individual institutions and the decisions they make… while giving them a sharp prod.”
And on hearing the phrase “giving them a sharp prod” the House was troubled by the image of the Prime Minister lurking in a vestry, brandishing a poker.
And the Prime Minister had more to say.
And what the Prime Minister said was, “The time is right for women bishops, and it was right many years ago.”
And the Prime Minister said of the Church, “They need to get on with it – and get with the programme.”
And in silence the House reflected that even in biblical times “get with the programme” had probably been an outdated piece of youth slang, Daddio.
And the House made a mental note to check whether, for example, Christ had ever ordered the money changers in the temple to “get with the programme”, or whether the Sermon on the Mount exhorted disciples to “chill, dudes”, or whether “Thou shalt tune in, turn on and drop out” was among the Ten Commandments.
And the House suspected that in all three cases the answer was probably no, on the whole.
And the Labour member for the constituency of Exeter, Ben Bradshaw, suggested imposing equality legislation on the Church, and asked the Prime Minister what “locus” they would have.
And the more theologically minded misheard and worried that God would send a plague of locus.
And after Prime Minister’s Question Time had drawn to a close it was noticed that outside it had started to rain apocalyptically hard.
And Westminster began to wonder if this was a Judgment, and if so, on whom.
Source: The Telegraph
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