How not to focus on the negative, even when life is discouraging


In my ministry with LGBTQ people, I sometimes meet people who feel profoundly, even paralysingly, discouraged by the lack of forward movement in the Church.

Even when something positive happens in the Church, they will say, “Not enough!” or “Too little, too late.”

In his opening address to the Second Vatican Council, Pope St. John XXIII mentioned “prophets of doom, who are always forecasting disaster.”

Of course, it’s not surprising that LGBTQ people might feel discouraged — even despairing—from time to time when Church leaders and others put so many stumbling blocks in their way.

But this can also betoken a reflexive focus on the negative, a pattern that can seem hard to break.

Reflecting on the story of the Raising of Lazarus, from John’s Gospel (11:1-44), can offer all of us, not just LGBTQ people, some clues in how to move away from the focusing on the negative.

When Jesus asks Martha to remove the stone that covers her brother Lazarus’s tomb, a thrilling moment of possibility, she says something odd: “Lord, already there is a stench because he has been dead for four days.”

Martha, who has already professed her faith in Jesus as the “Messiah,” is focused on the negative.

Jesus’s reassuring response to Martha’s mention of the stench, however, is puzzling: “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

This comment functions less as a direct response to Martha’s question and more as a general reassurance to this troubled sister and to the crowd mourning with her.

His reassurance is reminiscent of the Angel Gabriel’s response to the Virgin Mary at the Annunciation.

In Luke’s Gospel, Mary, “much perplexed” by the news that she will give birth, asks, “How can this be?” (1:34). Mary is also focused on the practical: she’s a virgin.

In response, the angel reassures Mary by reminding her that her cousin Elizabeth, previously thought to be unable to give birth, is pregnant.

“For nothing will be impossible with God,” says the angel.

God reassures Mary, as Jesus reassures Martha by Lazarus’s tomb.

In moments of confusion, doubt or fear, such reassurance can jolt us out of our focus on the practical, the negative or the seemingly impossible.

This is what Jesus does in both cases for Martha in front of her brother’s tomb.

In our own lives, there are several antidotes to a misdirected focus on the obviously negative, the purely personal or the seemingly impossible.

To be clear: I’m not saying that we should never feel sad or discouraged. Sadness, frustration and discouragement are natural reactions to times of loss, pain or a disappointing turn of events.

What I’m talking about here is a frequent, persistent or habitual tendency to focus on the negative to the exclusion of all else.

What can help counteract those tendencies?

First, gratitude. Nothing counters negativity as much as gratitude. As St. Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, said, ingratitude is the worst, most abominable of sins and the origin of sins.

Ingratitude blinds us to the blessings that God is giving us, even in the middle of tough times. Ongoing ingratitude can make us tetchy, negative, complaining and even despairing.

In those moments of negativity, doing an honest inventory on the blessings in our lives can help restore some balance. Read more

  • James J. Martin SJ is an American Jesuit Catholic priest, writer, and editor-at-large of the Jesuit magazine America.
  • Article first published in Outreach.
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